Oh stop I’m dying
Guess what I’m watching… ;)
Do you ever desire it? To completely fall into another person to the point where you’re no longer even sure where one ends and one begins? It’s so easy to fight the feeling; at least, I’ve come to find it with ease after all these years. Yet still, the emotional side of me quietly yearns for it despite its constant oppression. To feel someone’s lips on your neck actually meaning something. To have someone inexplicably want to be by your side, completely bewitched by your presence, wanting nothing more than to be with you until the end of time. For everything you do to be enchanting to them, and for all you do to create the same feelings within them. To feel the desire to talk to someone day in and day out without losing interest. To feel important. To feel wanted and to want back. To melt is really the only perfect infinitive action. One gooey-ewwy-gluey mess. Disgusting, isn’t it? Yet entrancing at the same time. And what for? For its near impossibility to find? How many marriages today are marriages of convenience, of a need to feel even a little needed? Who can truly say they want constantly to be surrounded by that one person? I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, just that it isn’t common. I miss being held and enjoying it. I miss actually thinking about that person as a person as opposed to an act of passion with no true meaning behind it. And I swear, tomorrow I will hate with all that I have that I even thought this, much less wrote it. Neither let my mind wander nor want to dwell on the fact that almost no one will even read this. Yet still, I persist. Let me feel your warmth, your large, strong hand pulling me close to you. Keep me safe. From the world, from my own mind. It has such a tendency to stray from that which is sweet or happy or comforting or anything along those lines. It becomes so easy to dwell on the hurt of the past, on the pain of the mistakes of one’s youth. I’m sure I even have more of those to come. Let me make you happy. Immensely, immeasurably, incandescently. Let me surround you with what little light I can stand to somehow conjure up. I seem to find it each day, artificial or not. Would it be such a crime to find someone who might actually differentiate the two? I ask for so much, and I am fully aware of it. Perhaps this is why I’ve already sentenced myself to life of solitude. No, that’s too strong a word. Singularity, perhaps, is more appropriate. Regardless, I know that lucky does not even begin to describe the adjective I will achieve should I ever find this mythical someone. So I will sleep, where I might continue to dream about the man who will allow me to melt into his skin, his heart, his mind. I will sleep well into adulthood, perhaps even through my marriage. Dreaming only of what surely must seem impossible by such point. So I will sleep.
I LOVED this cover, her spread, the entire issue!! Can’t wait to see what they have in store with her in September!
Mmm… Hello beautiful…
What is the FREAKING point?! I’m a FRENCH major, for crying out loud! What on earth am I ever going to do with statistics? I didn’t get it in high school, and I sure don’t get it now that I have to teach myself in an online class. #bumpthis